I was at Starbucks last month and had just picked up my tea. As I turned around and proceeded to slowly walk to my table, a woman harshly bumps into me as she made her way to the counter. The hot tea poured over my hand and out onto the floor. "OUCH!!", I said as hand was burning. Everyone around me said, "Are you okay?", as they could see half my cup on the floor. The woman who bumped into me did not apologize or acknowledge me in anyway and just stood at the counter letting the barista know she was in a hurry and needed her coffee now.
I have learned over the years that people are people and the only thing I have control over is my emotional and mental state. Instead of reacting, I chose to observe as I know life always has a way of taking care of these types of situations for me.
The barista looked at her, then looked at me and then looked down at the floor letting me know she saw the spilled tea. She left the till and the woman standing there and calmly walked over to the closet, came back and walked over to where I was standing and proceeded to mop the floor.
Now, the woman at the counter was so mad and wondering why she was not the priority. "I am a customer. Why are you mopping the floor now." And together, the barista and I said, "Because you spilled her (my) tea and this is a hazard which makes it a priority so no one falls." Again, no acknowledgement on her part.
The barista went back to the closet to take care of the mop, then walked over to me, passing the woman at the counter and proceeds to take my tea order again letting the lady know she will be right there. And as divine order would have it, another barista who was now free, decided to give me ice for my hand and all the other barrista's were engaged with other customers.
The woman finally left in a huff as she was not being served.
Now, say you are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.
Why did you spill the coffee?
"Well because someone bumped into me, of course!"
You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.
Whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.
Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.
So we have to ask ourselves... “what's in my cup?"
When life gets tough, what spills over?
Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?
Becoming our best self is about filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, kindness and love for others no matter what level they are at. Then when life gets a bit bumpy you pour out only goodness.
I love this time of year.. the decorating, the food, the celebrating and family togetherness..and oh the food!
And as much fun as the holiday season can be, it can also be a time where uncomfortable conversations are unavoidable, especially if you have a house full of guests visiting or you're traveling to unite with family. It can be stressful for some and a time where feelings of loneliness can surface even when surrounded by loved ones.
Heal Your Relationships Before 2019!
2018 is about completing unfinished business so you can enter into 2019 with a clean slate. Your unfinished business may involve having uncomfortable conversations with family this holiday season. Your power is expanded when you make the effort to do what it takes to make things right!
Ask yourself, "What role did I play in the past that may have caused negative feelings or seperation with my children/spouse/partner or parents? What can I do now that can help heal family wounds?
Remember, you are the creator of your life by what you choose to think, feel and believe in. Whether you need to create healthy boundaries or need to learn how to communicate your feelings you can learn to do so, with the deepest of respect so everyone feels seen, heard and appreciated.
Life is too short to hold on to pent up anger, resentment, blame or hold back love. Let's begin 2019 with a forgiving heart so that your heart can expand and feel even more love and respect next year.
As you forgive others you forgive yourself!
You are welcome to watch this short 5 minute video HERE. My dad asked for forgiveness and it was truly a magical day! Not everyone has this much courage - my dad did and I am so grateful because this moment changed my life forever.
As I mentioned 2018 is about completing unfinished business so you can begin 2019 with a clean slate. It may be time to make amends, to seek forgiveness to those you may have hurt or disappointed or to forgive others for how they may have wronged you? Why forgive? Because, we all want to be forgiven for our own wrong doings.
Step One: Take a moment (find a private space) with each family member this holiday season and let them know how much you love and appreciate them. In this way you begin the new year with a clean slate.
Step Two: For those you may have hurt in the past, here are a few examples of what you can say to help you get through these uncomfortable conversations.
"I am so sorry if I caused you any pain or hurt with what I said or did in the past. There is still a part of me that I have yet to heal, a part of me that has been carrying this pain from the past and you just reminded me of something I need to let go of. I blamed you and it is not your fault. I am sorry. My soul loves you. Can you forgive me?"
Example # 2
I am so sorry I ever doubted you. I am sorry I never supported you. I promise to make every effort from now on no matter what you want to do with your life. I love you.
I know I don't often express how I truly feel and I want you to know that I am so grateful to have you in my life. I do love you and I sometimes do not know how to show it in the way you want me too. Can you forgive me?
Note: Even if you are enlightened and energetically above the line, it is still an honourable request to seek forgiveness. Many family members are still on their journey.
Step Three: These are simple words; however, to say them takes great courage and 100% personal accountability for everything that happens to us in life. Remember, the person you are seeking forgiveness from may not forgive you. That is okay. What is important is your willingness to express these words above. When you take ownership of how you feel and for the pain you may have caused others, guess what happens, you dissolve stress, depression and anxiety and many other negative emotions. You free yourself of the chains that once bound you. You rise UP and become the best version of yourself.
It is your love that makes you courageous. It is your love that makes you fearless!