Category Archives for Relationships

3 Keys to Emotional Integrity

Do you want to have a life that really matters?

This could be the year that you look back and remember as extraordinary, a year that stands out above the rest. You can choose to play full out and not allow your fears and circumstances to be the master of your life. On the other hand, you could have this be another ho hum year, wallowing around in your story. A story that is filled with regrets, mediocrity and self-drama.

When your STORY gets bigger than your dreams, you are in trouble. If you want to experience more respect, love and peace of mind in your life or more meaningful relationships whether it is personal or business then it is time for you to become accountable for how you FEEL and seek a healthier expression in releasing your emotions.

This is why I created, the Emotional Integrity Process which is a three-part process and as with all processes there is a beginning, a middle and an end. All three are important steps that if carried through in the order given will greatly benefit your life. Anytime you feel you are about to breakdown remember to – prepare, surrender and connect by proceeding with the following steps.

Preparing for the Emotional Integrity Process

The Emotional Integrity Process is designed to RELEASE THE NEGATIVE ENERGETIC CHARGE from your physical body and energy field so you can embrace your DIVINE GIFTS.

The Emotional Integrity Process (EIP) is a healthy way to express your perceived negative emotions instead of releasing and transferring pent up toxic energy on your loved ones. This is a wonderful gift to give to your children as they are deeply affected by toxic emotional energy.

The EIP allows you to become intimate with all of who you are and ALL of who you are not. Intimacy is creating a strong relationship with your inner selves. Intimacy begins with being connected to your emotions. In order for tears to flow one must feel emotional safety. Emotional safety is required to drop into the heart and it is your heart that is carrying much of the toxic energies such as anger and resentment.

To prepare and create a safe environment I recommend the following.

  • Make sure you are comfortable and alone in the privacy of your home and you know that you will not be disturbed. I would suggest giving yourself at least one hour to complete the process.
  • Tears are going to flow so you will need a tissue box beside you and blow your nose as necessary. After all, this is where you viewing your tears as a good thing knowing your body needs to release fear based energy.
  • Prepare a place for you that is comfortable and safe. A couch is perfect as it gives you room and your couch can take the punches when you are expressing anger.

You will be kneeling as if your couch or bed is an alter, so you may want to put a pillow underneath your knees and have one in front of you to hold and talk in to. As well as a blanket for comfort.

As I mentioned this is a three-step process. I highly recommend you complete all three so that you can receive the full benefits that are available to you.

Ok, let’s begin.

The First Step – Express Your Self

angry man

  • Kneel in front of a soft padded couch or bed and ask for your Brilliant Self or Higher Self to be with you and assist you in letting go.
  • Give yourself permission to allow for full expression of your fear-based emotions such as anger, frustration or any stress you feel. Yes, you can swear. It is your inner Fallen Angels( negative voices) letting you know how they feel about you and your life. If you express the venom here then Step 3 is where I show you how to cleanse your energy field of fear based (limited beliefs) energy.
  • Give yourself permission to talk out loud. Talking out loud is very important. Allow every thought to be expressed. Do not edit your thoughts or words. Speak of what is disappointing you in your life, what you do not want anymore. You may have been told to resist all negative thinking and to only think positive. I want you to let go of the idea of duality. Let go of seeing emotions as negative or positive. Instead see everything that moves through you as a necessary step in the evolution of your mind and emotional dimension. Let go of the idea of good or bad emotions. Express it ALL to the God of your understanding because God can handle it. Here you will discover that the universe loves you no matter what you do or what you say.
  • Remember, you are not your emotions; it is just an energy passing through you. So release the heavy energies by expressing out loud all the anger, rage, hatred, confusion, overwhelm and frustration and pour it in to your pillow or couch. Punch the seat of your couch or your pillow. Use everything you’ve got. Get all that energy out. You don’t need it anymore. You may be surprised by the words that come out of your mouth. Just keep venting.

The Second Step – The Surrender

Anger is a very toxic energy for the person expressing, so you want to make sure you release it fully. Underneath anger is sadness. Underneath sadness is fear. Underneath fear is your divinity. You are peeling the onion of your mind. The guilt may surface now as you feel into all the perceived wrong doings you caused others throughout your life, Surrender now to your sadness and allow the tears to cleanse your mind and body.

  • This is where you take it to the floor. I want you to take your pillow and blanket and lay on the floor in front of the couch or bed. Now lay in a fetal position as if you are a baby still in the womb. Do not be afraid of your feelings. Let it all out. Do not hold back. Give yourself full permission to cry. Let the tears flow like you never have before. Let the universe know what you are afraid of. Feel your guilt, feel your shame for all the pain you have caused others. Let your emotional pain be washed away. Let the universe know what you are sorry for – admit the truth of all your wrong doings. Feel the emotional pain of separation that you may have been carrying for many years, your feelings of loneliness and the separation from truth. It is time to get real with yourself. Stop pretending to be strong and let go. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to forgive. Forgive yourself. You can only become whole when you surrender to the truth of what is calling to be awakened within.
  • Here you are spiraling deeper in to your emotional pain and this takes great courage. Underneath sadness is fear. Fear will start surfacing and you are not asked to acknowledge either out loud or to yourself what you are afraid of. Acknowledge all fear that bubbles up, such as the fear of being rejected, the fear of being abandoned, the fear of being alone, or the fear of being unloved and feel the energy the fear holds. Allow that fear to be expressed through TEARS! Feel the energy that is alive inside of you. Tears are the most powerful cleansing mechanism in the body.
  • When you feel complete with your emotional cleanse, this is where you have no tears left to shed, I want you to shift your focus and become aware of your breathing.
  • Breathe slowly. Just breathe. Relax in to your breath. It is in this place that you will feel a sense of inner peace, the space of no thought. It is in this space where you connect to your divinity, to your Divine Self. Allow yourself to just be. Lay in your stillness. Listen to your breath and the stillness. Inhale and exhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Breathe in compassion for yourself.

The Third Step – Self Love 

This step is very important. Underneath fear is the truth of who you are, your Divine nature. You are much more than “JUST” a human being. This is where you connect to your Divine Self, your inner brilliance. Connection to your Divine Self is made when you release all the heavy energies stored in your body. Here you forgive yourself and others. As you set others free, you set your Fallen Angels free and begin the integration of your Forgotten Angels. The integration of Forgotten Angels begin with I AM statements.

Now slowly lift yourself off the floor and onto the couch or bed. Make sure your spine is straight and your feet are on the floor, hands resting on your legs. Now close your eyes and relax into a meditative state where you areonce again focusing on your breath.

  • Keep breathing deeply and slowly; and as you do imagine with every inhale that you are filling every cell of your body with the energy of love. Breathe in love. Breathe life force. I now want you to thank yourself for having the courage to FEEL! You did it!
  • Now express out loud I AM statements. I AM are the two most powerful words you can use to integrate higher energies into your body such as I AM love, I AM gratitude, or I AM peace. Even if you do not feel good about yourself it is very important that you recognize and congratulate yourself for feeling the fear and releasing your sadness. Feel the peace that is there within your heart. Trust and open your heart to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Trust that the universe is supporting you. Know that you are loved.
  • Allow for a new expression of self-love as you state positive and uplifting words about yourself. These words will fill you up with light where the darkness once resided.
  • Stay in this meditation until you feel lighter.
  • Repeat positive statements such as,

I love you (your name here).

I am so proud of you ( your name here) for having the courage to feel.

You are a brilliant human being (your name here.)

I feel so ALIVE!

 

 

Keep your eyes closed until you are at peace with yourself. Visualize yourself spiraling up out of the darkness, climbing up the stairs and into the light of self-awareness.

Remember your power as a human being is to create any life you desire. What are you ready to let go of in your life that no longer serves you? Here you can claim your happiness and make a stand for what your heart truly desires.

The more you follow the Emotional Integrity Process you will discover something quite magical. Within your mind consciousness system there is the one who cries, (the Sad self or the Tearful self) and there is the ONE who is observing the self who cries. The one who is observing is YOU, the aspect of you known as your Brilliant Self.  Your Brilliant Self (the highest version of you) is pure love and compassion and is the one who is to be the nurturer to the one within who is sad. Connection is made when you know and trust that there is a higher power that lives inside of you.

Repeat the EIP whenever you are feeling angry, stressed, frustrated, confused or fearful. Your emotions are never right, wrong, good or bad. Every self that is alive inside of you deserves to be heard and not judged as bad or wrong. They all have a purpose and a gift to give you. They just want to be heard, acknowledged and loved. So pound that couch/bed and express yourself! Then let the tears flow until you feel your peace, your centeredness of BEING. Then sit and mediate till you embrace SELF LOVE.

 

Reframe What Hate Means To You

I know hate is a strong word, however; I am witnessing a lot of hate and judgement going on in the world. Hate is a disconnection to one’s own soul. Feeling the wrath of others is what can stop many entrepreneurs from rising up and sharing their message with the world.

I believe in love, respect, kindness and acknowledging the beauty of our soul and I know that not everyone is like me.

As you go after your dreams you will have people who love you, hate you and those who don’t care. Remember, people can only ever see you at their level of consciousness not yours. It is like trying to convince the people who believe the earth is flat that it is round. The more successful you become the more you will experience those who talk negatively about you.

When I first wrote my book, Living in the Freedom Frequency someone told me I should go to jail for writing it. Lol!! I have been judged, gossiped about, called a pretender, unauthentic and that I will never be more than my past. Well, I truly believe that when others call you names they are really talking about themselves.

When I am in a relationship my life for the most part remains private, as I must honour the requests of privacy. However, those who truly know me, I am an open book when you attend one of my workshops or have read my books.

You may have people in your life who only want to focus on your faults and flaws instead of the goodness and magic you have brought into their lives. I believe being human is in how much we have the ability to LOVE. To be kind and to deeply love ourselves so much that we no longer tolerate what dishonours our own soul.

No matter what, keep going after your dreams and the only TRUE voice that counts is the voice of your own SOUL, of your own Brilliant Self. Do not focus on those who do not believe in you.

Being a change maker means that at times, you are going to bump up with people who do not want change and in their mind, what you are sharing can not be possible. Sometimes, the people you love the most, whether that is family or friends, are not able to appreciate your success because it reminds them of their own failures. And you may even be judged by people who don’t even know you. Just send them love and then… turn around and ONLY face those who inspire you, who encourage you and uplift you! You are unstoppable!

Let go of what others think and KEEP RISING!!! And in the meantime, do not focus on the haters.. Reframe your fear of others not liking you or believing in you. Reframe your interpretation of hate so that you no longer fear those who are blinded by your light. Success looks good on you!! You are not alone!!

Abuse is not just physical.

All relationships are designed to empower, uplift and encourage you. Unfortunately for many relationships that isrespect not the case. Destructive relationship patterns such as abuse can sabotage everything that is beautiful.

Abuse is much more than just physical. Sometimes we can be in a relationship and not even be aware of the emotional or mental abuse that is cutting our heart cords.

Emotional or mental abuse can look like:

1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.

2. Constant put-downs.

3. Silent treatment – Refusing to communicate.

4. Ignoring or excluding you.

5. Extramarital affairs.

6. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.

7. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.

8. Unreasonable jealousy.

9. Extreme moodiness.

10. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.

11. Saying “I love you but…”

12. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”

13. Domination and control.

14. Withdrawal of affection – holding love back.

15. Guilt trips.

16. Making everything your fault.

17. Isolating you from friends and family.

18. Using money to control.

19. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.

20. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

If the above list sounds familiar I urge you to seek coaching or counselling. Abusers are expert manipulators as they know how to get you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you. Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve better treatment or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them. In private it is a different story.

How do I know this? I have experienced physical, mental and emotional abuse in my relationships. And one thing I do know is that an abuser can transform into a gentleman or lady. Yes, we women are often emotional and mental abusers in relationships and we don’t even realize it. When I was in my twenties and married to an abuser I have to admit my truth and say that I had many of the behaviours on the above list too. It wasn’t just about him. He was a mirror showing me how much I did not love myself.

It wasn’t my fault. I had no idea of the default programming that was so ingrained in my subconscious mind. It wasn’t until my spiritual awakening that I realized I was just following the same relationship patterns my parents had. And I could not blame them either. They did not know any better. Now I could make a conscious choice to change who I was being as I was determined to become a better person. I was so determined to do whatever it took to live above the line. I made the choice to embrace loving behaviours and actions.

I do believe any human being can transform and live above the line. How? The key to their transformation is a spiritual awakening.

My beloved Alan had a spiritual awakening to his own destructive patterns and behaviours which were taught to him by his father. He now teaches men how to step up, show up and transform themselves and become a REAL MAN. I show women how to stop being a victim in life and to embrace their brilliance so they can attract more love, respect and appreciation.

At our Empowered Relationship Weekend we show you how to connect to release those destructive relationship patterns and create new empowered relationships now and in the future.

You are LOVE! You deserve happiness.